Reviews True Blood 3×04 “9 Crimes”

Yes, I know the newest episode aired last night. I’m a bad reviewer. That and I didn’t watch the episode “9 Crimes” until Friday night. So it’s all new to me.

Jason drinks beer.

After last episode, both Jason and I needed a big pitcher of beer. However, given how badly my new medicine mixes with alcohol, Jason's drinking for both of us.


It seems like Lorena survived her neck twisting via Bill’s lack of love making skills. Every time Bill says “sex” in that bad Southern accent, it just sounds plain wrong. Which I suppose adds to the wrongness of his little tell-all to dump Sookie. He’s a total “making love” type of guy.

Good thing Sookie can comfort herself against Alcide’s naked man chest. He’s not my type, but I think he affords a good comfort in Sookie’s time of sorrow. That and he doesn’t feel the need to put on a shirt. At all.

Sookie cries on Alcide's naked werewolf chest.

Naked healing werewolf man chest. Thank you, show.

Sam’s parents continue to bore me to tears. Maybe I just have too many white trash relatives myself that Sam’s parents just seem like poor stereotypes versus a story that connects. That and Sam’s going to get screwed.

Franklin Mott continues to abuse Tara. Tara’s going to need some massive therapy, and I really hope Ball doesn’t use her as Fellowship of the Sun convert bait due to her horrific abuse at Franklin’s fangs.

Franklin and Tara arrive at Russel's house.

Franklin's decided that he and Tara are OTP. And hasn't bothered to respect her opinion.

Eric’s fantasy sexy daydream about Sookie was cheesy. And frankly, I was cheering for more naked Eric over Sookie. Yes, that’s my fantasy. Besides naked Pam.

Eric fantasizes about Sookie.

Next time you tell Eric, in your dreams, these are his dreams, Sookie.

Oh, poor Pam, she does get to take her clothes off this episode. But not because of sexy fun times. No, the Magister has found out that Eric’s dealing V and covering for Queen Sophie-Ann. He threatens to kill Pam to hurt Eric, who’s come to save her. NOT PAM! They can’t kill her. (And hopefully won’t since Kristin Bauer’s in the credits now.) I’m so glad Pam points the finger at Bill.

Pam

Pam does not approve of this plot turn.

I’m glad the writers aren’t trying to convince us that Jason could actually pass a test to become an officer. Nope, he’s using blackmail. Because poor Jason wants to be a hero, instead of just the one time hero of the Bon Temps’ high school football team. There are so many Jason Stackhouses I’ve met in my life, whose greatest years were in high school.

Hoyt and Jessica continue to rip my heart strings out. Hoyt, Jessica still loves you.

I loved Eric swooping in to save Lafayette from his own ego and panic. Yeah, Eric may have gotten in his heart with the fancy new car, but it does make Lafayette a big old target when he mostly sells to poor people. Though the real RuPaul is probably shaking his head at Eric telling Lafayette, “Let’s go, RuPaul.” Seriously, I’m surprised Lafayette didn’t react more to that comment

Eric and Lafayette in Lafayette's car.

Eric and Lafayette get uncomfortable in the sports car.

Sookie’s disguise in the werebar is as ridiculous as her first white outfit. Here there is more shortcuts from the wardrobe and makeup department. That’s right, black hair, a leather halter top, and doing shots means Sookie is a badass. (Though Anna Paquin looks way better with dark hair.) Similarly, I feel that Debbie’s bad ’80s rocker chick hair makes her the villain.

Sookie and the werewolves do shots.

Sookie does shots with her would-be rapist from last night. She apparently forgot the knife to stab him with.

Russell continues to be outrageous, but in a way I rather enjoy. Surprised he’s been playing with fire by getting werewolves hooked with his own blood and he hasn’t gotten burned all these years.

Russell addresses the werewolves.

Like the best cult leader and motivational speakers, Russell leads his junkie werewolf army.

Good to know Bill is still a jerk.

Russell, Bill, and Lorena kill a stripper.

Bill shows his true vampire spots. Or is that stripes.

About Erica

Erica McGillivray spends too much contemplating the socioeconomic importance of the bananaphone. Ring, ring, ring. Bananaphone. She loves bunnies, soap opera plots in comic books, and dreams of flying in the stars. Erica works for Moz in inbound marketing, which means sometimes, she'll talk about that.
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