Look it, putting my True Blood review for 3×06 “I Got a Right to Sing the Blues” right before episode seven airs. Life’s been a little behind these days.
Russell isn’t scared of Sookie’s powers. Nope. He’s fascinated by them, and apparently, when Sookie can’t pull the same trick twice, he drags her back to Casa del Fabulous. We find out that Russell’s over 3,000 years old when Bill attempts to kill him to save Sookie. If I was a historian in the True Blood universe, I’d be sitting Russell down and making him tell me the history of the world. And most importantly if his collection included the lost Doctor Who episodes.
Sookie’s a little stupid here. We know Eric’s playing Russell for a different angle and also that he has a little obsession with our favorite waitress.
Since Cecelia told off Pam over on Weeds, Pam from Weeds decided to take a trip to Bon Temps and be the worst customer ever for Arlene. Making Jessica feel a wee bit sorry she’d been glamoring Arlene’s tables to stiff Arlene on tips. Two redheads at Merlotte’s work just fine. But don’t worry, Jessica decides she needs a little snack and maybe Arlene does need those tips.
Jason and Crystal get with the sexing. Only Crystal knows someone’s watching them. Beware of *insert spoiler as it’s in the books*.
Russell and Sookie have a little heart to heart. Or perhaps petrified organ to heart. I’m surprised Russell played trade the question with Sookie. Not that he would’ve told her anything he thought might put him in jeopardy. Russell’s clearly going to be disappointed just how little Sookie knows. Both about her lineage and Sophie-Ann’s dealings.
After a painfully long teasing scene, Jesus and Lafayette finally kiss. Huzzah.
During Bill’s being tortured to death by Lorena scene, all I could think of was Lorena’s gorgeous shirt and how she was going to ruin it with all the blood. Clearly, you need to have a separate wardrobe for torturing or crying, in a vampire’s case.
But the whole part about Lorena just being a nice girl underneath it all who was Stockholmed by her maker was a load of crap. Why can’t women just be evil? Russell gets to just be evil. Why can’t Lorena? Why does she have to be torture and molded into evil by her male maker? Why can’t Lorena just enjoy torturing Bill?
Knowing the Sookie’s in the building, Tara puts her plans for their escape in order. She knows vampire blood makes a human strong, and she — in one of the most horrifying yet scenes — convinces Franklin she’s not going to run away by having sex with him while untied and drinking his blood.
Lafayette takes Jesus back to his house. Luckily for Lafayette, Jesus is the only person in Bon Temps who appreciates his interior decorating skills. In fact, Jesus is ready to make them both very comfortable. Until those trashy hicks start bashing in Lafayette’s car windows because no sweet happiness can last too long. (And here I just thought I was cynical because I’ve watched too many Joss Whedon shows.) Jesus helps Lafayette chase them off, but during the beat-down, he realizes Lafayette is a dealer, specifically of V. Jesus informs Lafayette that he just can’t put up with Alan Ball’s writing and date a stereotype.
Meanwhile, in rich vampire land, Russell and Eric have taken a trip to see Sophie-Ann. Russell proposes a mutual-beard marriage to her because damn, those vampires are old-fashioned. Sophie-Ann is not impressed.
But like most men, Russell has a way to make sure this marriage happens. He’s having her baby. I mean, he’s holding her girlfriend hostage and has hostilely taken over her kingdom by either killing her guards or having them change sides for their lives.
Eric’s volunteered to babysit her as the sun comes up. He’s just a little pissed as Sophie-Ann’s trying to pin the V-dealing on Eric.
As the sun comes up, Bill’s dying and Lorena just can’t leave him. She’s also throughly ruined her amazing shirt. Blood just doesn’t come out of silk. So sad.
There’s also some crap with Sam’s family. Where yes, his father is using her brother (and formerly used his mother) in dog fighting. Sick. But somehow really boring. Also Crystal has a finance, blah, blah. Jason’s upset and arrests the football star for sex in public. *yawn*
Escape time has come for Tara and Sookie. Tara starts off the morning by bashing in Franklin’s head. I cheered loudly. You go girl. That and thank goodness, she’s changing clothing. I love this plot line. I love that Tara escapes on her own, which redeems this story a little bit. (Not all the way because there was way too much fail for that.)
In her first acting job of the day, Tara pretends to be a cook who needs to feed Sookie almonds. I love how Tara’s communicating with Sookie via telepathy to be ready. Though good thing for Tara that Sookie isn’t hurt at all.
But Sookie just can’t leave without Bill. Tara tries to be a Sassy Gay Friend (except she’s missing the scarf and the canon queerness) save Sookie from herself. But Sookie’s insisting to find Bill.
Luckily for Tara and Sookie, Cooter and Debbie are high on Bill’s blood and more interested in having sex in the woods than watching Russell’s property. And when Tara does run into a wolf, it’s Alcide. Who forgot all his clothes, not just a shirt, this time. Of course, liking every guy Tara runs into, Alcide is looking for Sookie.
Of course, Sookie finds one not-so-sleepy and very deranged Lorena who’s ready to kill her. Cliff-hanger!